Monday, October 18, 2010

Eagles and Chickens

I'm fortunate to live near Piedmont Park, metro Atlanta's largest green space. Unless there's a large event being held there, in which case the blessing is mixed at best depending how big a crowd it attracts and how interested I am in walking across the street to attend.

It used to be the traffic and parking hassles which were the greatest inconvenience when the throngs invaded. That changed when I switched my mobile phone provider to AT&T, which evidently has zero surge capacity. Suddenly a cell tower connection becomes a limited and precious resource. The plague of swarming iPhones begins to block the life-giving rays of digital cellshine, casting an Amish-like shadow and inducing a painful Scruff deficiency.

On Friday the park played host to a live performance by The Eagles. Trying to get home from the office did not give me a peaceful, easy feeling, to say the least. (Sorry, no more, promise.) I then had to use the landline to coordinate the evening's activities with my BFF, Eddie. We decided it would be highly appropriate that night to go to the Eagle. At that moment, ironically, the Eagles concert let out and the torrent baby boomers flooding from the park made finding a taxi impossible.

"Let's walk." Eddie looked at me as if I asked him to carry me. "Are you crazy?" Here's a man who'll spend hours in the gym, but in every other instance hires others to exert for him. But even he realized our options were limited. We could already see lines forming at the local pubs consisting mostly of middle-aged straight women doing pee-pee dances. It's only about a mile and turned out to be a nice walk.

The Eagle turned out to be kind of slow, but a nice break from the park crowd. Over beers Eddie joked about how I'd be in the dog house if my partner JB, on a layover in Los Angeles, found out about our field trip. I'm tired of Eddie always implying I'm the pussy in my relationship. "I have nothing to hide!" Eddie laughed at me, almost spraying beer. So I pulled out my iPhone... three bars. With defiant machismo I checked in my location on Facebook. Eddie looked surprised and impressed. Until my phone buzzed less than 60 seconds later...

Call me! >:-(

Fucking AT&T.

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