Tuesday, November 16, 2010

He's A Giver

Found these here.
I say this every year, but I'd really like to get my holiday shopping done ahead of time. I'm a horrible procrastinator. Scratch that. I'm an excellent procrastinator. I can rationalize putting anything off until later. You might not even see this blog post until 2011. If I put it off to 2012, I may not have to do it at all.

This is one of those times I envy my friend, Joe. Joe is anything but average. He was pretty much finished with his shopping a year ago. When purchasing a gift for Joe, you only need to remember this simple test:

If Joe can't eat it, drink it or fuck it, Joe doesn't want it.

More than a life philosophy, it's a clear and simple instruction he's made loud and clear on many occasions. And you should ignore it only at your own peril. Case in point:

Beverly: "What a beautiful and unique sterling silver chafing dish."

Pac: "Why thank you! It was a gift from Joe."

Beverly: "Yes, I know. I gave it to him last year."

When you get a gift from Joe, you can be reasonably sure it's a re-gift. When you buck the guidelines when buying a gift for Joe, no matter how well-meaning or extravagant, it's going unapologetically and unceremoniously into the re-gifting closet, probably already with a lucky re-recipient already in mind.

Don't bother getting offended. You knew the rules.


~

2 comments:

  1. Yay for Joe! Now if I can only get my friends to put things under the tree that I can fuck...

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  2. Being Joe's ex, I stay far way from that category! I usually get him something from the "drink it" column and if helps him get laid, so be it. :-D

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