Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Donut Stampede

I don't usually make New Year resolutions. I think because it's cliche and I tend to avoid, consciously or subconsciously, whatever the majority is doing. I've come to accept this as a personal idiosyncrasy that may or may not serve me any benefit in life.

This is why I usually take January off from the gym and wait until February to renew my commitment to health and exercise.

Another example: I always cringe when I see one of those "food in the break room" e-mails. You know, when some work group orders too much pizza for a lunch meeting and puts the surplus in the break room. Even if I'm hungry and my wallet is empty, you won't see me joining the stampeding herd to compete for a slice of cold, picked-over pizza.

Or when the boss picks up a couple dozen doughnuts on the way into the office and advertises their availability in an all-staff e-mail.

A friend of mine who manages the regional office of a well-known Federal agency tells me about how, when he does this, he can literally feel the building resonate only seconds after clicking "send".

I imagine him watching the standing ripples form in his coffee mug with an escalating sense of dread, like a scene from Jurassic Office Park.

I'm ready to accept it may just be me, but there's something about how the idea of free food seems to flip a switch in otherwise staid, well-compensated professionals that I find distasteful. Now I do love my doughnuts. And I enjoy saving money. But I find the tastiest doughnut is the one I buy myself.


  1. I catch myself standing in the break room looking like Patricia Nixon reviewing the troops. Arms crossed, looking down my nose I exam the free doughnuts as if they were covered in ants. Then wait for co-works to leave before snagging three.

  2. When Feb is coming around the corner