Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Set It And Forget It

It was brought to my attention recently that I may have a problem. No, it wasn't a formal intervention, nothing like that. Just an offhand remark. There was no implied judgment or intent to get me to change my ways. Just an observational matter of fact. But it did make me think.

"You sure do like kitchen gadgets."

Am I on a dangerous path to self-destruction? Am I hurting myself and the people I love by ignoring my limitations and continuing to grow my collection of small kitchen appliances?

Recent events have opened my mind to considering the possibility. Perhaps I have lost sight of the big picture here. In general, the purpose of any kitchen appliance is, first and foremost, convenience. Its goal is to make our lives easier by saving time, space and/or material resources. That's the idea anyway.

Now I could go on and on (and on) about the nature of time, space and matter. It's a little-known fact that Einstein published Zur Elektrodynamik begetter K├Ârper shortly after purchasing an electric hotplate from Montgomery Ward. Can you imagine what he could have accomplished had he access to the Internet and an Amazon Prime membership? The world would truly be a different place right now.

I really don't think I have an addiction to kitchen gadgets. In fact, I find the notion preposterous. If I have to admit to anything, my only "problem" might be drinking large quantities of liquor and wooting.

But we all have mornings like that, right? Head fuzzy, tummy woozy, breath bad. That vague mixture of apprehension and deja vu as we open our eyes, roll over and check our inbox. Seeing the subject, "Your order has shipped!" and thinking, "What it is this time?"

No? Just me? Damn.

Whatever this is has to be good. Why else
would I have paid extra for Next Day Air?

Ronco? As in "Popeil Pocket Fisherman" Ronco? That Ronco?

It always pays to use the Internet to thoroughly research your Internet purchases
before opening them. You know, in case you need to put it right on Craig's List.

But I do like creating healthful food. Especially when it's never been this easy.
I'm keeping it!

(Gee, Ron looks good for almost 80. How much for the Popeil Pocket Facelift?)

Hmm. This looks a bit larger than the photo online. Seems I opted for the "Professional"
model. Chalk that up to the effect of a few cocktails on my logical reasoning faculties:
"If two chickens = good, then four chickens = fucking awesome!"

But wait, you said... Nevermind.


  1. I like gadgets too and am up during the wee hours of the morning much too often when these commercials are most effective. However, I have learned that if I can wait a few weeks, then I can get them at Bed Bath and Beyond.
    **Danger Will Robinson! Danger!** do not get the eggie!

  2. I put a kibosh on gadgets in the kitchen when the husband bought an electronic toaster. Not an electric one, one that literally would go off-line and you'd have to fucking reboot! It is toast! I'm surprised it didn't come with bluetooth.

  3. I have such a tiny kitchen I only have two "gadgets", toaster and coffee machine. :-(