Saturday, June 23, 2012

The Week That Wasn't

It started Tuesday morning. A mere tickle in the back of my throat. My first thought was that I was simply adapting to the comforting vapors generated when Scrubbing Bubbles gang up on Mr. Clean in a bathroom death match. But by Tuesday afternoon, there was no denying it. I was coming down with something.

From the minute I heard cats were spreading bubonic plague, I knew it was only a matter of time.

When JB got home from Lima Wednesday morning, he found me curled on the couch simultaneously sweating and shivering. "Why me?" I beseeched him.

"Do they keep it really cold in your office? That'll do it, you know. Have you been taking your vitamins? I bet you haven't."

He obviously didn't understand I was beseeching rhetorically.

At least he didn't try to blame the Evil Eye and wave his magic egg at me. Not this time. Although that might have been preferable to what happened next.

He gave me a pill and I washed it down with the bottle of water he handed me. "What did I just take?" A question I never fail to feel stupid asking. JB put on his reading glasses and held the unlabeled plastic vial of what appeared to be Skittles up to the light.

"It's either a Cloricidin, a Lunesta or a Gas-X."

"Good God! You don't even know what drugs you're giving me... my love?"

Notice how I tried to mute the end of my initially bombastic question into more of a tone of idle curiously? But it was too late. What the Starship Jumping Bean lacks in shields, she makes up for with her massive deflector array.

"You're the one who swallowed it!" he said defensively and pivoted toward the bedroom as he pulled off his tie.

And with that unassailable logic I could only look down at the plastic bottle in my hand. The generic looking label said, "Agua".

"Is this water from South America... honey-bunny?"

"If Peru's in South America, then yeah." echoed the reply through two walls. I remember thinking surely that must be sarcasm.

And then it was Thursday.

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