Around midnight I decided to give my brain a break from the increasingly repetitive superstorm updates. I turned the channel to "Family Guy" to see what hilarious mischief Stewie had gotten himself into this time. (Is it bad my role model is a cartoon baby?) Yet most of my attention was focussed on my iPad.
I was thinking about a conversation I had with a friend earlier in the day about Halloween costumes. We were bemoaning the fact that slutty cop costumes seem to be all the rage lately for women but, sadly, not for men. The conversation ended with my offering to help him find the uniform clothing and accessories required to complete his "bachlorette party stripper cop" ensemble.
As the obligatory, thirty second backstory gave way to steamy cop-on-cop foreplay, I couldn't help but feel something was missing. Yes, the butter. But also the sound. I started with the iPad volume on mute because I didn't want to bother JB while he was trying to sleep. Or maybe I just didn't want him to know what I was up to in the living room. Not that he'd have any problem with it. Unless his mood was swinging toward the estrogen side of his cycle, when he'd be feeling unattractive and under-appreciated. I felt it wise not to risk it, and turned on the sound to the lowest possible setting.
I could tell from the cops' facial expressions and lip movements that I was missing crucial dialog required for a full appreciation of this movie's finer plot points. I kicked the volume up some more, keeping in mind typical porno dynamic range. I've been startled by screamers before. The last thing I needed was an unexpectedly boisterous moan to wake JB on the other side of the bedroom door. But I knew I had some overhead, as the sound was still barely audible. I turned it up two more notches.
I had my sound volume pumped up to at least 85% by the time my penile volume hit 105%. Just as my nasty cops and I simultaneously reached the point of no return, the bedroom door swung wide open.
"Jesus Christ, what the hell is going on??" JB demanded.
If the question wasn't intended to be rhetorical, the ongoing state of affairs rendered it so. It was only after my senses returned that I noticed the sound of heavy sighs emanating loudly from the bedroom behind my grumpy hubby. And music... the unmistakable beat of porn music...
Confusion gave way to realization. A memory. Earlier in the day while listening to hurricane updates, I used the "AirPlay" feature to wirelessly stream my iPad's audio to the bedroom stereo.
And I forgot to set it back.
|Always remember to turn "AirPlay"|
OFF before watching porn. Unless
you need the full, rich sound of
5.1 Dolby through JBL speakers.