Monday, January 7, 2013

Code Easy?

On Wednesday at work I sneezed. I know my sneezes, and this wasn't a "too much pepper on my paprikash" sneeze, nor a "who's wearing the caustic cologne?" kind of sneeze. This was the sneeze of an intelligent parasite attempting to launch millions of its offspring into the wind.

Parasites grow up so fast.

Another cold? It seems like I'd only just gotten used to nose breathing again. Last cold season I purchased a small bottle of Cold-Eeze spray. I'd bought into the marketing hype that the timely application of zinc ions to the mucous membranes will stop an incipient cold in its tracks. I searched my desk and my computer bag. What did I do with that bottle?

Later JB called and asked if I needed anything from the store. I asked him to pick up a new bottle of Cold-Eeze spray. That night when I got home, JB told me he wasn't able to find anything called "code easy" in the pharmacy section. I tried not to blame him, it was probably my AT&T connection.

The downside of having a partner that never gets sick is a distinct lack of empathy.

I ransacked the medicine cabinet and found my bottle from last year. Still full! Does homeopathic crap expire? Too late to worry about that now, time is of the essence. My rhinoviral load may already have passed the tipping point. I spritzed my scratchy throat with the faux-cherry mist. Humans: 1, highly evolved RNA polypeptides: 0.

"Minor" stomach upset?
Twenty minutes later I began to remember why the Cold-Eeze bottle was still full from last season when JB had to turn up the television to hear his real housewives screeching over the sound of my stomach cramps. Still, I stuck with the therapy. I was going to kick this cold's ass even if it meant getting in touch with with my feminine side in full-blown PMS mode.

By Friday my hubris was self-evident when my boss told me at noon to go home. I got a text message from my buddy Gilbert saying he'd been bed-ridden all week. And not in a good way. Now it made sense. To the best of my recollection, I only kissed two people on New Years: JB and Gilbert.

Damn holiday traditions.


  1. It took me a good month to get over the cold I had! Hope you feel better soon

  2. Here I thought "Code Easy" was just a Mountain Dew and a king-sized Snickers.