Friday, February 22, 2013

I Just Wanna Sleep, Part 2

My continuation of yesterday's post in response to Just A Jeep Guy's TMI Questions about sleep.

2. Who or what sleeps with you at night?

Since JB is a flight attendant, there are sporadic random intervals when I get the bed to myself. When we first got together I graciously ceded the right side of the bed rather than making a fuss over who sleeps where. So now I sleep on the left when he's home and on the right when he's flying.

I tell him that I sleep on his side of the bed when he's away because I miss him and it helps me feel closer to him. I think that sounds better than saying I'm acting out my passive-aggressive resentment over the lingering consequences of a decision I made fifteen years ago to be considerate to the one random sleep-over trick who stuck.

When JB and I moved into our first apartment together, he decreed the bedroom to be off-limits to my cats. I think he associated free-range kittens with the bohemian squalor of my former apartment. I had to harden my heart to their scratching at the bedroom door. One day I came home from work early to find JB napping all snuggly in bed with both kitties. I remember wondering how long that had been going on.

Since that day the bed has been open to all species, with the brothers coming and going throughout the night as cats do. Occasionally we're awakened by one of their UFC bouts, but a quick leg thrust usually ejects one or both champions from the octagon.

A few months ago JB bought new pillows at Bed, Bath & Beyond. Since then the fat cat has taken to wanting to share my pillow with me and I, being the bigger pussy, allow it. I just wish he'd sleep with his head facing mine. The other night I dreamed I grew a thick, manly Magnum P.I. mustache only to wake up to another tail sanchez.

3. Do you like a cold room or a hot room?

I have a wider comfort zone than JB. He prefers it cold. He also has slept with a fan blowing every single night since day one. This is something we did argue about at first but I, being the bigger pussy, gave in. He makes the convincing argument that the fan is carefully aimed to propel its high-velocity vortex with laser precision only at him.

I've adjusted to having the fan running when he's home. And when he's away I revel in the peaceful stillness. Until Lazlo* next door turns his TV too loud. And Sebastiano from 307 decides to give his jerseylicous Corvette its weekly midnight timing-belt adjustment. And Crazy Kim upstairs realizes the reason she can't sleep is because she only vacuumed an odd number of times that day.

And I turn on the fan. Please don't tell JB.

* His name probably isn't Lazlo. He just reminds me of the guy who lived in the closet in the movie Real Genius.

If you're still awake, be sure to stay tuned for my riveting answers to the remaining questions:
4. Lots of blankets or just one?
5. Do you hog the blankets?
6. What size is your bed and what kind of mattress is it?
7. Do you eat in bed?
8. What kind of sleeper are you?
9. What is under your bed?


  1. What is a UCF bout??

    sexy butt btw!

  2. man - you are really milking this post, aren't you?