Tuesday, February 5, 2013

The Stages Of Upgrading

On Sunday I found myself once again in the Apple Store. What a weird place. It's always packed, although at least a quarter of the crowd seem to be employees. It's loud, brightly lit and the "bar" doesn't serve drinks. Don't even bother asking.

We were there because JB cracked the screen on his iPhone on Saturday. Somehow I got the blame for this senseless tragedy. Predictably, my recollection of events is much different than his.

JB had an appointment for a haircut at 4pm. I wasn't looking forward to sitting there waiting for him to get his hair did, and when we were having trouble finding a parking space in the small, busy lot, I made a suggestion. I'll take the car to the gay restaurant around the corner, and when he's done with his appointment he can walk over and join me at the bar.

Flustered by the last-second change of plans, JB relaxed his grip on his phone somewhere between my jumping in the drivers seat and peeling away. See? Clearly my fault. As JB waited for his stylist, he cycled through his grief stages by baring his soul to Facebook -- as best he could considering his shattered screen. This lead everyone to conclude he'd just gotten carjacked.

Evidently the stages of iPhone grief depend on whether or not you're eligible for an upgrade.

  1. Denial       --->      Denial
  2. Anger       --->      Anger
  3. Bargaining       --->      Blaming Pac on Facebook
  4. Depression       --->      Demand Pac go halfsies on upgrade fee
  5. Acceptance       --->      Apple Store

So now the Jumping Bean has a new iPhone 5. He's been spending a lot of time conversing with Siri. He has her send me incomprehensible text messages, which he thinks is just hysterical.

Wow, what an abusive bastard I sound like.

1 comment:

  1. I got blamed by other half breaking his phone because I was on the other end of the phone conversation. like it was my fault I answered his call.