Thursday, March 14, 2013

Gadget Of The Week

Anyone who knows me knows that I do love my gadgets. I'm constantly picking up new gizmos and doo-dads, usually exasperating JB in the process. JB is extremely practical and not at all technically inclined. Qualities I must have found exotically foreign and endearing at one point.

It makes no difference to remind him that I'm spending my own money to support my habit, I can always count on JB to react as though I just blew the last of our grocery money on some magic beans sealed in impossible-to-open plastic packaging.

Keeping in mind that I'm going to have to justify every expenditure usually serves to temper my impulse shopping impulse. I'm sure this is probably somehow a good thing. But still the adrenaline rush of clicking the "I need this right now!" button on Woot, Smarthome, ThinkGeek or Slick Deals is often too compelling to resist.

It's at this point, sometime between receiving the confirmation email and getting a tracking number, that the butterflies and second-guessing kick in. I begin anticipating JB's reaction when he sees the latest shipment of smiling boxes and padded envelopes.

Sometimes I fantasize that, after his initial skepticism, JB comes to realize that my latest purchase really does fill a subconscious and heretofore unmet need. We embrace and he discloses how much he appreciates the overall positive impact all my high-tech crap makes to his quality of life.

In reality this happens almost never.

The battery? Yeah, you're not getting that.

Such as it was this week when I received the newest addition to my tool/junk box: a digital infrared thermometer. I'd actually ordered this months ago and had nearly forgotten about it. At only $8, expedited shipping would have tripled the cost. Even I couldn't justify bumping up from the free standard ground. And honestly, I wasn't really expecting much for that price.

Why did I order it then? I've wanted one of these since I saw Alton Brown whip his out to safely confirm his griddle was ready to accept pancake batter. And let's not minimize the coolness factor of anything shaped like a gun that shoots laser beams. And it's digital. Digital.

While I was a little miffed that the implied-to-be-included 9-volt battery was nowhere to be found, an obliging smoke detector turned that frown upside-down. One pull of the trigger was all it took to conclude my new digital infrared thermometer would greatly exceed expectations as I gleefully-yet-accurately measured the temperature of everything in the living room from the comfort of the sofa.

Without even pretending to be impressed, it took all of about ten seconds for JB to ask me to stop telling him the temperature of things. And within five minutes I was strictly forbidden from ever aiming my thermometer anywhere near his general vicinity. This injunction came after – as a matter of simple scientific curiosity – I pointed my sensor at his nuts. It's not that he's opposed to having his scrotum digitally probed. (He may not be a nerd, but he's still a dude.) It's just that our cats are quite fond of lasers too.

Defending his groin from cat attack, JB seemed completely
oblivious to my suggestion that he switch to boxers.

It's one thing to sense when your partner is getting annoyed
with you. Investing in electronic instrumentation to digitally
quantify their feelings in real time demonstrates your
commitment to making the relationship work.

Yeah, he's not buying that either.


  1. LOL - I can just see the temptation you might have to whip that out while having sex to figure out just how "hot" for you JB is at the moment.


    PS - Don't point that thing at me either.