Thursday, May 2, 2013

Life Of A Torpid Sloth

Even if my FitBit doesn't motivate me to actually burn more calories, it definitely elucidates exactly what kind of torpid sloth I am. This isn't cool, but I'm showing you anyway. In my defense, I occasionally get bogged down in work and this week is one of those occasions.

For those who might not know what a FitBit is, it's basically a tiny electronic pedometer which monitors every movement you make and automagically uploads the results to the Internet. The idea is that, if you know your friends are watching your every move, you'll be motivated to move more. But really it just gives my sister one more thing to taunt me about.

Designed to wear 24 hours a day, the FitBit is tiny enough that you can keep it in your watch pocket and forget it's even there, usually until the 2nd rinse cycle.

That's how my first FitBit died. Washing machine. And that's the insidious part about wearing a FitBit. You get so used to being able to quantify your daily activity that when you're not wearing it, you feel like any uncredited twitch is a waste of time and energy. Well, that's how I feel.

In response to my still, motionless grief, JB replaced my dead little buddy with the latest model, the FitBit One. Which I promptly proceeded to launder. Not only does this version seem more resilient to such treatment, I earned thousands of steps in the spin cycle.

Another feature about the new FitBit I really like is the vibrating alarm. JB hates when my alarm clock wakes him five hours early, all because I have to go to work. Wearing the FitBit on my wrist not only tracks my sleep quality, it wakes me up a minute before my alarm goes off.

Anyway, let's have a look at my day yesterday:

2am: Having gone to bed early after a long, exhausting day at work, I get up to pee. Return to bed.

6am: Turn off alarm clock. Pee. Return to bed.

7am: Get up, feed the cats, make coffee, make oatmeal, sit down at the computer.

8am: Get another cup of coffee, comment on StevieB's blog posts, forget I made oatmeal.

9am: I notice the time. I shave, pee, shower, dress, pack oatmeal in tupperware and drive to work. (I left out a step and I might have efficiently combined two of those other steps into one.)

9:30am: Walk from the parking lot into the office, wave to the guy living in his Toyota, sit at my desk.

10:00am: Walk to the break room to get a spork for my oatmeal. Eat oatmeal at my desk while frantically writing code for a project known internally as BAMBI.

1pm: Quietly wonder what BAMBI stands for. Catch myself crying. Not sure if I was remembering Bambi's mom getting shot or wondering what happened to my life. Wipe away tears and daydream about upcoming vacation. All without moving, evidently.

4pm: Pee. Walk to the break room for a cup of coffee to discover the coffee machine is mysteriously gone. Walk to the next building over to find coffee. Reach my activity peak for the day. Go back to my desk to check in my code.

7:30pm: After building and testing my code changes, I walk to my car. I wonder where Toyota guy goes at night. Drive home, walk into my house and eat the plate of dinner JB saved for me. Fish.

9pm: Go to bed early after a long, exhausting day at work. After peeing.

2212 steps total. I know. Pathetic.


  1. LOL. My already drafted post for tomorrow is about my fitbit. How very odd.

    1. Not odd at all. I read your post this morning and when you mentioned your fitbit, I thought "Gee, I'd hate to see what my fitbit stats from yesterday look like." That's how my ADD tangents become posts. I'll send you a fitbit friend request.

  2. You wear the FitBit while sleeping? Very Orwellian....

  3. Try running in place whilst you pee. You pee a lot.

  4. I have a Nike FuelBand. It motivates me fairly well-- I hate not making my goal for the day.