Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Rocky Mountain Guy, Colorado

Meeting StevieB, Part I

For the past couple years, my partner has been keenly aware of the telltale signs I was carrying on an online relationship. "Your boyfriend's sexting you again," JB would meow whenever Stevie's name popped up on my phone.

For the sake of those who haven't had the pleasure, there's something about the hispanic boyfriend temperament that makes them acutely vigilant for the slightest hint of disloyalty or disrespect, no matter how small or imaginary. This trait can express itself in all manner of fascinating, entertaining and mostly non-lethal ways.

On one occasion JB snuck up behind me as I was giddily thumbing my iPhone and snatched it out of my hands to confront me with the proof of my dalliance. After flicking through four screens of esoteric satire, Merovingian genealogy and shoe-shopping pics, he handed my phone back to me with a puzzled, sheepish expression and apologized.

Damn right, I thought, hoping my demeanor of vindication and sullen indignation at the flagrant and unwarranted violation of my privacy would hide my relief that he got bored before page five.

Then there was that time at a restaurant I had to ask a complete stranger to call me just to prove to JB that Stevie was indeed getting my standard, generic ringtone.

So when JB asked what I wanted to do for my birthday this year and I casually yet apprehensively suggested, "How about Denver?", I was taken a little off-guard when he immediately said, "I'll start making the arrangements."

"Now what's he up to?", I wondered. Maybe JB was simply as curious to finally meet this Stevie guy in person as I was. Or maybe he was planning to take this opportunity to size up his cyber-competition, Real Housewives of Atlanta style. I struggled to suppress an involuntary shiver.

"One last time before we land,
there will be no weave snatching
on this trip. Understood?"
But knowing my Jumping Bean as well as I do, I suspected another motive at play, devilishly genius in its design and execution.

After all, having your partner back out of accompanying you to your family reunion after you've taken him halfway across the country to meet his online crush would be a divorcable offense, now wouldn't it.

Isn't it funny how relationships work?


  1. how is it possible I've met Stevie B and you have not. I'd have thought for sure.......