Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Pool Shock

BosGuy posted today about his Summer diet. He's motivated by the idea of taking his shirt off at the beach. I've met BosGuy and, while he unfortunately wasn't shirtless at the time, I really don't think that will be a problem. But I understand how people tend to be their own worst critics. Especially gay men when it comes to their own physiques.

My motivation lately has been twofold. One was celebrating my birthday last month and seeing the photos. As I mentioned in my last post, I'd really planned to start after New Years so I could be in shape by my birthday, but instead I was heavier than ever. This got me back in the park running the day I got home.

Then Stevie B convinced me to join him and his Denver gang on a Caribbean cruise. I found his tales of bears frolicking in hot, frothy whirlpool tubs to be appallingly unhygienic, yet erotically compelling. Thinking back on the conversation, I may have invited myself.

So my new goal is to be able to board a ship with thousands of gays and still feel comfortable sitting by the pool. With my shirt off. To help me envision this goal, I've taken to clipping pages from the swimwear section of my Under Gear catalog. (Formerly International Male. Which I guess after 34 years, started to sound gay.)

Thus begins my new feature: Splash & Flash. Enjoy.

Remember that scout jamboree where the other boys teased you mercilessly when, instead of flinging yourself with youthful abandon from the rope swing into the ice cold lake, your little white knuckles refused to let go? And then, when you did finally get the nerve to jump, your triumph morphed into humiliation when you realized you surfaced ten feet away from your trunks?

Well we do. That's why we designed the exclusive Belted Bikini. Splash headlong into the deep end with confidence knowing your ship nickname probably won't be Pink Raisin. Not this summer.

Roadkill Armadillo temporary tattoo
sold separately.

Not a fan of classic houndstooth? Our Belted Bikini is also available in faux denim.

And because nobody learned from Pajama Jeans, we also offer a faux denim trunk that's sure to put some Dukes in your Daisy.

1 comment:

  1. It's one thing to want to take your shirt off (as is one of my goals), but it's quite another to be transported back in time (and fashion sense) to want to wear any of these in public. Not only could I never pull it off - EVER - now I'm old enough to know not to want to.

    Jegging swimtrunks? REALLY? Oh International Male - you've embarrassed yourself on a whole new level.