Tuesday, December 10, 2013


"Wow. It's so bright. And so... blue" JB said standing in front of the tree with his hand gripping his lower jaw. I knew what that meant.

Back in January I posted about spending an entire weekend snipping the lights out of our pre-lit artificial Christmas tree. (Delighted, January 2012.) This painstakingly anal endeavor has allowed us to wring at least one more year out of our fake tree investment. After all, this year's X-mas budget is tighter than Jack Frost's ball sack and I still have a ton of cruise-wear to purchase.

(A preliminary list of Big Gay Cruise party and T-dance themes was posted yesterday. It seems I need pirate gear and something that'll allow me to pass as a dominant top at a leather function. Oh, and gold lamé. And I still haven't come close to amassing enough swimwear for seven days.)

One expense we couldn't avoid this season however was new lights for the now-naked Christmas tree. At Target I steered JB toward the multicolor LED variety by telling him they'll last forever and pay for themselves with their energy savings. What a fool I am.

After having carefully wound eight strings of lights around our tree, I called JB into the living room for the plugging-in ceremony. It took all of five seconds for JB to declare the tree "too blue". So while I removed eight strands of blue-heavy LED lights from the faux Frasier Fir, JB went to Home Depot in search of a more balanced and subdued spectrum.

I have to admit, the incandescent lights he picked out do look better on the tree. So much warmer and prettier than LED lights. I hope they're not banned next year when half of them will inevitably need to be replaced.

This weekend I took the LED lights outside to decorate the railing of our balcony. I had to put them on a dimmer at 30% of full power to keep them from overpowering our tree and every other twinkling light in the neighborhood. And for fear the jetliners landing at Hartsfield Jackson would start diverting to Midtown. I probably shouldn't have used all eight strings.

Could be worse. It could be too red like our upstairs neighbor.
Except her place isn't decorated for Xmas. It's like that 365 days a year.


  1. Ok, part of me believes you did that entire post to use the word 'anal'. I could be projecting, though.

    Pirates, leather, gold lame? Oh my! Eye patch, a striped shirt (or are shirts not allowed at these things?) and a parrot should suffice......probably for all three events.

    Can you imagine novelty stores, getting an inflated run on eye patches? Because you know every single homo will have one. Yourself included. :)

  2. Looks so much more butch than our fake silver tree with pink lights. :-)

  3. the reindeer one would be fun for holiday parties