Thursday, January 23, 2014

Google That Smell

As far as search engines go, it's hard to beat Google. But there are times even their best semantic algorithms fail miserably. Here's a gross example...

The first time I visited Paris, France, I noticed my pee smelled funny. Kind of like when I eat asparagus, but the odor was different and lasted the entire trip. I chalked it up to my steady diet of wine and snails and, once I got home and my pee returned to normal, never gave it a second thought.

Until I made my second trip to Paris and it happened again. Different hotel in a different arrondissement, different restaurants, but the same distinctive aroma from the first day to the last. Now I was curious. I've pissed all over Europe and never noticed anything like this. This was definitely a Paris thing.

Surely this phenomenon had an explanation. And surely I couldn't be the only person to experience it. So I asked my doctor, Dr. DILF. Not because I was overly concerned there was something internally wrong with me, but because he's more familiar with Paris than anyone I know. In fact, it was his hotel I'd just stayed in. Not "his" in that he once stayed there and recommended it. He owned the place. That he presumably knows his way around a urinary tract was just a bonus.

Dr. DILF looked at me like I grew a second head. And not in a doctorly "Nothing to worry about, I can snip that right off for ya" sort of way. I changed the subject before he referred me to a psychiatrist again. And then did what I normally do when I want to piss off my doctor... I started googling.

I didn't sort through all 6,710,000 results, but the top thousand hits seemed to align along one of two memes: 1) The entire city of Paris reeks of urine and 2) Paris Hilton once relieved herself in a taxi. There seemed to be no way I could phrase my query to return any other results. I still have no idea if my kidneys are failing.

I was reminded of this experience recently while trying to research my upcoming vacation. It seems there's no way to phrase a query for "gay cruise" without learning more than I ever wanted to know about 1) Larry Craig or 2) Tom Cruise.

1 comment:

  1. "arrondissement". You do know your readership does this at a 6th grade level, right? Ok Ok. 8th! Tops.