Monday, March 17, 2014

No Such Thing As Life-Proof

A year ago I wrote how my partner, JB, broke his iPhone. (The Stages of Upgrading) And how I got the blame because I pushed him out of a moving vehicle, causing his phone to smash to the ground, shattering the screen. Or so he claims.

My side of the story is a little different and, dare I say, not insane. He just couldn't accept the fact that his own carelessness caused him to break his Precious. But I long ago learned that being a scapegoat is just part of the job description as JB's life partner. It falls right after ghostwriting all his formal correspondence. And just above never, ever again comparing him to Meg Ryan's character in "When Harry Met Sally".

Fortunately his old iPhone 4 was due for an upgrade, and life soon returned to normal. In order to insure I would never have to take the fall for breaking his new iPhone 5, I splurged on an pricy LifeProof case for it. This thing not only guaranteed protection from drops, it was waterproof.

JB used this case for the better part of a year before losing the arm-band accessory and then the headphone pig-tail plugs, rendering it no longer waterproof. After this he decided he'd like something with a little less bulk. It was while trying out new phone cases that he discovered his iPhone 5 had suffered some serious damage within the LifeProof case.

He insists he has no idea what happened to his phone. So of course he's blaming the LifeProof case for the damage. I can see a tiny dent on the back of the case right where the iPhone is bent which tells me the phone suffered some sort of trauma which bent it in spite of being inside the protective case. In any case, JB demands satisfaction. Which means I'll probably be ghostwriting a letter to the LifeProof company soon.

In the mean time, JB doesn't dare remove his iPhone from the LifeProof case lest it fall to pieces. Kind of like how M. Night Shyamalan's pickup truck was the only thing keeping the top half of Mel Gibson's wife alive in the movie "Signs".


  1. My nephew, 23, and his friends have all rather easily proven through testing/playing and alcohol induced accidents that the Life-Proof cases do not live up to their claims.

  2. Hey - he's not blaming you, so look at it as a win. My case - not life proof - has worked flawlessly through many a drop and it cost me all of $7. It takes away from the beauty of the phone, but at least it's still in one piece.