Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Standing By

One of the perks of being married to a fight attendant is the flight pass. One of the drawbacks to working all the time is that I don't often get to take maximum advantage of this perk.

So I guess one of the advantages of being between jobs is being able to travel on a whim.

For better or worse, when it comes to using my pass, my whims are subject to JB's approval.

For example, fly to Green Bay to spend quality time with my nephew? Approved! Fly to Boston to go bar hopping with a disconcertingly handsome blog buddy? Denied! Fly to Dallas to attend my brother's intervention? Approved! Fly to Denver to hang out with StevieB and the rest of the Denver Bear bunch? Denied!

Sheesh. I's not like there isn't plenty of mischief to be made at home. But I understand. Flight passes are a perk best enjoyed together. That's why I'm waiting for a precious seat on the flight JB is working today to Juneau, Alaska.

It may not be Denver, but there are bound to be bears.

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Always Punctual

My first week of unemployment has been surprisingly busy. I really expected I'd feel useless and unfulfilled. On the contrary, I'm getting fulfilled daily.

One trick I found is to each morning set one small goal for myself to accomplish that day. Today's goal was to use a semicolon in a text message.

I can tell from the response that I used it correctly.

Friday, August 8, 2014

The Enterprise Edition

I apologize for my recent dearth of updates. On the positive side, I've been doing lots of bloggin' in my noggin. On the neutral side, today is my last day at my current job. On the negative side, I have yet to find my next adventure. (On the double-plus side, I promise never to use "bloggin' in my noggin" again. Or "dearth".)

Three weeks ago today the acquisition of the company for which I've labored for the past 5 years and 10 months was approved by our shareholders. From the time of the announcement three months ago up until that approval, our modus operandi was "apprehensively stay the course". I, being the non-felonious Martha Stewart of any room I happen to be in, thought the impending change could be a good thing. I, for one, welcomed our mysterious private Macon-based overlords.

I was wrong. The following Monday I came into the office to find my team's beloved scrum whiteboard missing. (Yes, scrum. We were Agile with a capital "A" and three syllables.)

Is that an oxymoron? To find something missing? Anyway, when I finally found it found, it was crammed into the main conference room with a ton of other office furnishings. A literal ton. That should have been my first clue.

My second clue was learning we had an arbitrarily-decreed 60 days to decommission our existing CRM system and replace it with their existing Microsoft SQL Server. My third clue was being constantly corrected when I used the third-person pronoun, "they". As in, "Are they fucking nuts?"

To be fair, I was assured "we" would soon be upgrading "our" SQL Server to the "Enterprise" edition. In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have asked if that would require another trip to Office Depot. (Evidently it's some sort of in-app purchase.)

Two weeks ago I was told my services would no longer be required. As it was now painfully obvious that business continuity isn't "their" thing, I didn't take it personally. I was given two weeks to pack my personal effects and finish 160 hours of work. I finished that work yesterday afternoon before getting drunk. Today I'm going in to fetch my MacBook charger, bluetooth keyboard and Magic Mouse.

Before getting drunk.

Friday, August 1, 2014


I guess when you buy only chocolate, wine and cat food, the senior discount is automatic. That's what I'm hoping anyway.