Thursday, December 31, 2015

Complication

As you may recall from my last post, Rusty the Cat's bilateral FHO surgery was scheduled for this past Monday. This was to fix his two fractured femoral necks to hopefully relieve the constant hip pain he surely must be suffering.

We dropped our little trooper off bright and early Monday morning with instructions to return Tuesday to pick him up. On the way out of the office I stopped at the desk to pay a sum I'm too embarrassed to share. Suffice it to say I won't be going on vacation anytime soon.

At 10am I received a call from the doctor; there had been a complication. My heart sank into my stomach. While putting Rusty under, he had a reaction to the anesthesia. Rusty was going to be okay but the doctor decided to postpone the procedure a week.

So after all that trauma, Rusty's still no closer to getting better. And he now has two shaved bands where they had his IVs hooked up. Now that I know how white he is under his black fur, I'm kind of afraid what he's gonna look like with his ass shaved. :^)

It's bad enough his back legs don't work, but now
his front legs just look ridiculous.




Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Ephemeral, Defemoral

Sit, stand, kneel, repeat.
I can't believe it's December 23 already. This Christmas sure snuck up on me. I only just returned home from nearly a week in Michigan. My aunt and godmother's funeral was a sad occasion, but it was very nice to reconnect with family and friends I haven't seen in years.

I'd forgotten how Catholic my upbringing was until we were back in tiny St. Patrick's church. Listening to the priest berate the assembled mourners who were only there to pay their respects to a woman they loved reminded me why I'm no longer religious.

I returned home last Saturday to find that my poor kitty's limp had gotten worse. I'd taken Rusty to the vet a few weeks ago and while she couldn't find anything specifically wrong with his leg, she suggested I bring him back for x-rays if he doesn't get any better. While I was away my little buddy seemed to go from playful kitten to grumpy old man, so back to the vet we went on Monday.

He's got JB's hips
and my tail.
Four hours and five hundred dollars later we were told Rusty has two fractured hips! Evidently this type of hip problem is common in male cats who get neutered while still very young. Something about the femoral growth plates not getting the hormones they need to develop completely. Cats with this condition typically begin showing signs of hip problems at around 18 months of age.

There wasn't really any question that JB and I would opt for surgical repair. After all, when JB's hip went bad I didn't put him to sleep; we got it fixed. So Monday morning at 8:30am Rusty is going in for double FHO surgery. Femoral Head Ostectomy is a procedure where they remove the femoral head and neck, which is the ball part of the hip joint.

This is your cat on
pain killers.
I learned that because cats are small and light, they can get by without a complete hip joint as the bone heals and their muscles learn to compensate. The prognosis is excellent as, in most cases, these cats regain full use of their hind legs and return to their normal activity levels.

Of course, this will take several months of recovery. It's going to be an interesting new year.


Monday, December 14, 2015

One Step Forward...

I'm still trying to get up to speed for the holidays. The condo renovations are approximately 95% complete. That's down from a high of 99% on November 30th before I discovered a leak from my clogged air conditioner condensation drain soaked about 100 square feet of my brand new hardwood.

The good news is that it looks like we'll be able to save the flooring, however the baseboards ripped up by the remediation crew in order to dry inside the walls still need to be replaced. The damage extended to two storage closets, so all the items which are usually kept out of sight are now piled high in my blogging den.

Since all the noisy fans and dehumidifiers have finally been taken away, we were able to get the tree up this weekend. Then I got the sad news that my godmother passed away so I'll be spending several days this week in Michigan.

This doesn't give me much time for my usual pre-Christmas tasks of shopping, baking and crafting but I'll do my best. I got all the ingredients for a gingerbread project, although I'm still not sure what I'm going to construct. It's going to be hard to beat last year's edible tableau of StevieB topping an anonymous trick behind an Eagle dumpster. Any ideas?



Again this year I'm relying on The Crafty Lumberjacks for holiday inspiration. I really liked their idea of lighting the Charlie Brown themed shipping box which is being offered by the US Postal Service this year. While the exact box those hunky lumberjacks used was easy to find, the most difficult and frustrating part of the entire project was the 30 minutes waiting in the post office line to buy the damn thing.






Thursday, December 10, 2015

Metaphoric Christmas

I read with great enjoyment Stevie B's blog post about picking out a Christmas tree. (Go read "Christmas Tree".) One of the things I love about Stevie's writing is the layers of symbolism he weaves throughout anecdotal tales of his day-to-day life. In this case it isn't hard to see the plastic tree that never changes from one year to the next, eventually becoming a begrudged chore to deal with, as representing his life in his previous relationship.

By way of contrast, Stevie's new life is represented by a genuine, living evergreen. This experience is shared with Stevie's roommate, who is also out of a long-term relationship and who is also hot (and available), and Stevie's new romantic partner who (by cultural happenstance and not extreme youth) is experiencing this holiday ritual for the very first time. Through his boyfriend's eyes, Stevie gets to relive happy memories while viewing his current reality with a fresh, child-like perspective.

Trekking up a mounting to stand in the cold and mud is Stevie's acknowledgement that the process of ending a long-term relationship and building a new life can't be undertaken without some amount of pain and messiness. Sometimes our fear of this discomfort can keep us fluffing the same plastic tree a year or two longer than we should.

Another brilliantly crafted post, Stevie B. Bravo!


Friday, November 13, 2015

Intruder Alert!

Here's to the end of a busy week. On the same day that I had a six-month dental cleaning and check-up, it seems I'd also scheduled an annual physical with my new primary care physician, Dr. Doogie. Dr. Doogie isn't as smoldering hot as the recently retired Dr. Dilf, but he's young and cute in an adorably dorky kind of way.

While making small talk, it turned out Dr. Doogie and I were in Munich at the same time for Oktoberfest. In fact, we were at the same tent on Gay Day. It's not surprising that we didn't see each other in all the craziness, but picturing Dr. Doogie singing drinking songs in lederhosen began to make him seem more attractive to me.

As he continued his examination, palpating this and tapping that, Dr. Doogie regaled me with a particularly bawdy anecdote of one of his visits to the men's urinal troughs. As hot as good old Dr. Dilf was, my exams with him were all business and I never came close to chubbing in his presence. But on this visit I was trying very hard to think unsexy thoughts as Dr. Doogie rolled my testicles between his thumb and fingers.

I was relieved when it was time to turn away and lean over the examination table. Dr. Doogie continued his story as he gloved his hand and lubed it up. I was becoming alarmed as my half-hard was quickly approaching three-quarters. This never happened to me before. Then again, I never had a doctor tell me stories about gay german public restroom sex while I was naked. Did he know what he was doing to me? I rested my forehead on my folded arms and waited for the intrusion.

And then it happened. Just as he reached my prostate, alarm bells went off. It took me a second to realize the ringing wasn't in my head.

"Are you kidding me?" Dr. Doogie asked rhetorically as he snapped off his glove and excused himself from the examination room. I took the opportunity to pull my shorts on and hastily arrange my shame. He came back a half minute later to explain the office building was having a fire drill. "Since it's just a drill, I guess you can put your clothes on," he winked. He stayed with me as I quickly dressed and put my shoes on, and then he escorted me out of the building to a far corner of the parking lot.

While waiting for the all-clear, we laughed about the timing of it all. "This is definitely a first for me," Dr. Doogie said, and then joked "My first thought was that I tripped some sort of intruder alarm."

"Yes, I finally had to get one of those installed," I replied. "It's a bad neighborhood."






Thursday, October 15, 2015

Who Let The Dogs In?

Atlanta's Gay Pride celebration was last weekend and my post-pride buzz, just like all the glitter, is slow to dissipate. What made this year's Pride extra-sparkly was the presence of none other than Denver's very adorable Stevie B. It was like what I imagine experiencing a double rainbow would be like.

While I've been to visit Stevie in Denver and we've also vacationed together, this was my first chance to show him my world. I was a little nervous about this because – and I'm letting you in on a little secret here – my life isn't nearly as exciting and glamorous as I let on.

Also, as we're in the midst of home renovations, my hospitality skills were severely challenged. Imagine Martha Steward without a kitchen, confined to an empty shell of a living space with merely a toilet, a cot and wi-fi as her only conveniences. Go ahead, just try to imagine that.

Despite the challenges, I think the weekend went pretty well. There were a few things, however, I think I could have done better. Over the past few day's I've been compiling a list of areas of improvement for Stevie's next visit:

1.) More food stops. It was on the cruise when I first began to notice that Stevie has the metabolism of a hummingbird. As such, he needs small amounts of nutrition delivered in near-constant intervals. If Stevie goes more than two hours without eating, he loses his ability to hover. I should have been more prepared. Fortunately the Pride festival in the park provided ample opportunities for caloric intake. And I do love me some funnel cake!



2.) Less homophobes. Upon entering Piedmont Park to enjoy the festivities, we were called "dogs" by a particularly nasty street preacher. I've never been called a dog before. All I could say was, "woof!" We all had a good laugh about it, but who needs ugly homophobes putting a dent in our southern hospitality? Next time we'll look for a non-churchy entrance to the park.



3.) No Facts of Life. While waiting for the Eagle to open Saturday night, I was super excited for my chance to actually watch Doctor Who in the same room as Stevie B. I tuned the telly to BBC America only to have Stevie inform me that he can only watch new episodes with his roommate, Mikey. Something about some sort of "pact" they have, and watching it without Mike would feel like cheating on him. In my jealous, passive-aggressive petulance I turned the channel to a Facts of Life marathon on Logo. And left it there. For hours. Until it was time to go to the Eagle. Yeah, I'm definitely not proud of that. Especially now that I can't get that damn theme song out of my head.

The funny thing is that I couldn't tell if it even bothered Stevie in the least, as he seemed to enjoy every minute of it.



Despite these few glitches, I had a fabulous visit with Stevie B and I can only hope he enjoyed it as much as we did. After all, one can't expect everything to go perfectly, right? Sometimes you have to take the good with the bad, you take them both and there you have... Goddammit.


Tuesday, September 15, 2015

All The Help I Can Get

Entering week three of our kitchen remodel and progress seems to have slowed to a crawl. This morning we had an appointment with the general contractor to discuss the ramifications to our previously agreed-upon timeline. Being the natural "good cop" to my husband's bad cop, I picked up coffee and a dozen "Hot Now" Krispy Kremes to make our meeting more pleasant. By the time he showed up at 1pm, poor Jimmy found three cold donuts and two bad cops.

I know we're not his only client, and I know contractors tend to spread themselves thin. And I'd already warned JB a one-month estimate is contractor-speak for two and a half months. So I listened to the usual litany of excuses. But then Jimmy said something I found odd. "After a lot of prayer this weekend, it's all starting to work out."

I'm not sure, but I think he's praying for our kitchen. That's nice.

Then I mentioned I might be gone for a few days as I'm hoping I can get out of town this weekend for our annual pilgrimage to Munich for opening day of Oktoberfest. Jimmy said, "I don't know if you're a man of faith, but I'm sure if you ask for it, you'll be able to go."

To which I said, "I'm not about to waste the Good Lord's precious time asking for help getting to a beer festival."

But give me His number. I have a feeling I may need His help finding the right granite.


Stevie's room is coming along nice, don't you think?


Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Ignorance Was Bliss

"Abner! 115 is throwing construction debris
in the dumpster again!"
It's been a year now since I've been working full time from home. During this time I've gotten much more familiar with the comings and going of my neighbors than I care to admit. I work facing the window looking down onto our condominium courtyard, and I fear I'm gaining a reputation as the resident Gladys Kravits.

I'm not on our Home Owners Association board, but I may as well be. The board members know they can call on me during the day when the cable guy needs letting in or someone reports a gas leak. As new residents move in, they get the mistaken impression our building has concierge service and they've taken to calling me day and night.

I don't mind helping out, I really don't. The only problem I'm facing with being more active in our HOA is this... the knowledge. I was much happier living here before I knew so much about my neighbors.

My philosophy of harmonious community life has alway been simple: obey the Golden Rule. The problem comes when you realize some people look at the Golden Rule as a sucker's bet. Their philosophy seems to be "See how much I can get away with before someone says something, then continuously test those boundaries."

I don't enjoy sticking my nose into other people's business. In fact, confrontation comes about as naturally to me as cunnilingus. I know plenty of people that seem to get off telling other people what to do. The problem is those are usually the kind of people we don't want on our HOA board.

Now a lot of my neighbors are great. But sometimes it's the nice neighbors who disappoint me the most. Like the sweet couple who moved into 371 nine months ago and have yet to make a single dues payment. Or the elderly widow in 188 whose hoarding puts her in constant avalanche danger.

Or the friend I helped vote to the board because I respected her integrity who is now using her position of authority to flout the bylaws for her own selfish interests.

As much as it repulses me, looks like I'm going to have to hold my nose and dive in.




Monday, July 6, 2015

Impressions Of Rome: Tourists

Rome is awash with tourists.

This isn't a complaint; that would be hypocritical. I was actually relieved to see I wouldn't stick out like a sore American thumb. You see, when visiting other countries I prefer to blend in with the locals.

Take Germany for instance. For formal events I wear lederhosen. Activewear consists of wurst-enhancing spandex bike shorts and a long-sleeve t-shirt. For all other occasions I default to skinny jeans or capri pants, depending on the season.

But there's no way I could impersonate the typical Italian. Despite any cost savings not having to buy socks, one Armani scarf would wreck my travel budget. Buying sweaters to carry around without actually wearing is just wrong on principle. And I don't think they even make silk pants larger than 30, even for men.

Thank Jupiter there where tons of American tourists dressed way worse than I was.

And the tourists were everywhere. "Look at those losers with their selfie sticks," I chuckled to JB. Only JB wasn't there. I turned back to find him buying a selfie stick. Il Sigh. If there was one silver lining to having a selfie stick, it completely weaned JB from his habit of stopping complete strangers to ask to take our picture.

Back off ladies, he's all mine.







Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Arrivederci

Once again I find myself at an airport bar standing by for a flight. This time I'm attempting to get to Rome. I probably don't need to clarify this for those of you outside of Georgia, but the Rome I'm aiming for is in Itally.

I've been preparing for this trip for two weeks, learning some basic phrases in Italian and researching the best places to eat. I'm on a diet again, so it's important that if I do eat gelato, it's the best gelato this planet has to offer.

I've never been to Rome (Italy) but from what I've read online, tourist traps abound. I'll be damned if I'm going to go all the way to eat crappy food made for Americans who don't know any better. Even though I'm an American that doesn't know any better. As far as my tastebuds are concerned, my Italian food experience begins at Little Ceasers and ends at Olive Garden.

Be that as it may, I'm determined to deport myself in Italy as if I were a worldly gourmand, wise to the ways of carpaccio  and cachio รจ pepe.

That's assuming I get on the flight. If not, you'll probably find me in Rome Georgia. At The Olive Garden.





Friday, May 29, 2015

Another Episode Of 'Fire And Rims Blown'

"Dozens killed in multi-vehicle crash in Peru" nytimes.com
It's been at least a year since I last shared selected crashes from my Church Bus Google Alert. Hardly a day goes by that one of these alerts doesn't land in my inbox.

Why do I do this? Because I'm tired of certain elements of the Anti-Gay Right trying to convince all who would listen that I'm engaged in a dangerous lifestyle, simply for being who I am.

I'm not doing this out of a sense of schadenfreude. I genuinely feed sad for every one of these people. I'm merely trying to point out that – if one tries hard enough – all sorts of "lifestyle choices" can be associated with an element of risk.

Not the least of which, apparently, is mobile Christianity...



[We begin with last night's crash in Georgia...]

15 members of Conyers church hurt in NE Georgia crash

May 29, 2015 | Fifteen members of a Rockdale County church were injured Thursday night when the van they were riding in wrecked in Stephens County in northeast Georgia. Channel 2 Action News reported that a group from Love & Hugs Christian Tabernacle in Conyers was on the way to a women’s retreat when a car hit the church van near Toccoa. Georgia State Patrol spokeswoman Tracey Watson said a Lincoln Town Car traveling southbound on Ga. 184 crossed into the northbound lane, hitting the van head-on.


Local Pastor Found Dead Underneath Church Van After Freak Accident

February 23, 2015 | HENDERSONVILLE, NC – An associate pastor at a Hendersonville church died Monday morning after a church van rolled over him as he was checking engine fluids... Investigators believe Lineberger put the vehicle in neutral gear to check fluid levels but did not apply the emergency brake, Vesely said. The van was parked on a hill in front of the church. When the van began rolling, Lineberger attempted to stop it by getting in front of it, Vesely said.

[Was the church van's name "Christine"?]


Collision between church van, dump truck sends 1 to hospital

May 27, 2015 CHESAPEAKE | One person was taken to a hospital this morning after a crash between a church van and a dump truck.


Church bus accident sends 8 to hospital

May 24, 2015 2:28 PM EDT | CHARLOTTE, NC (WBTV) - Eight people were taken to the hospital after a church bus collided with a car Sunday morning, according to Medic. The crash happened just after 1 p.m. on Belmont Avenue and North Myers Street in east Charlotte. The bus appeared to be from St. Paul's Baptist Church in Charlotte.


Preschoolers Heading to Hospital After Schuylkill Expressway School Bus Crash

May 21, 2015 | A bus filled with preschool children careened into a guardrail after hitting a pole along the Schuylkill Expressway Thursday morning, a passenger and officials tell NBC10.

The bus, carrying 24 children and six adults from Hope Church School in the East Oak Lane section of Philadelphia, was traveling eastbound on the highway near the Girard exit when the crash happened around 10 a.m. The preschoolers were heading to the zoo for a field trip, a school official said.


Church van flips on I-95 near Florence

May 15, 2015 6:08 PM EDT | FLORENCE, SC - At least one lane of I-95 was closed for an hour after a crash near Florence with injuries on Friday afternoon. The crash happened around 5:35 pm on I-95 between mile marker 67 and TV Road, according to the SC Highway Patrol. The incident happened in the northbound lanes and involved a church van towing a trailer that overturned on the shoulder.


Arrest warrants issued for driver in deadly 1992 crash in Santa Ana

May 07, 2015 | SANTA ANA, Calif. (KABC) -- Orange County investigators are seeking the public's help locating the driver from a deadly crash in 1992 that left seven people dead. Arrest warrants have been issued.

One of the first responders described the scene as a morgue. It was one of the deadliest car crashes in Orange County history. Officers say a Chevy truck ran a red light ... hit a church van with 18 people inside, sending many of them flying onto the road.


'Jesus Saved My Life,' Says Survivor in Church Van Crash That Killed Three Christians

May 5, 2015 | NEW YORK - Three people were killed in a church van crash earlier this week. Four survived. The members of a small Seventh-Day Adventist church were leaving a church conference on the way to a retreat when their van was hit by another vehicle. Now, those who lived are looking at how—and why—they survived.

[Why was Jesus only able to save half of the passengers?]


Bus crash sends 7 to hospital in Brevard

May 03 2015 | COCOA, Fla. - Investigators said seven people were taken to the hospital Saturday night after a collision at State Road 524 and Cox Road in Cocoa in which a truck pulled out in front of the bus in which they were riding. Cocoa police said the bus was carrying high school-age youths from a church group in Fort Lauderdale. The bus was carrying more than 30 passengers.


Oklahoma girl, 17, killed in crash with church bus Sunday night

April 20, 2015 | NOBLE — A 17-year-old girl died in a collision with a church van, the Cleveland County sheriff reports. Morgan Smith, 17, of Lexington, died Sunday night near Noble. The wreck happened about 5:40 p.m. at the intersection of 72nd Street and Maguire Road.


8 die in Florida church van crash

Mar. 31, 2015 | MOORE HAVEN, Fla. (AP) — An overloaded church van ran through a stop sign, crossed all four lanes of a dark rural highway and nosedived into a canal, killing eight people and injuring 10 early Monday in southwest Florida, authorities said. The van was heading back to a church in Fort Pierce, north of West Palm Beach on the Atlantic coast, after a weekend convention in Fort Myers, according to the Florida Highway Patrol.

Feds arrive to evaluate Glades crash that killed 8

April 2, 2015 | The chances of National Transportation Safety Board agents working a traffic accident are one-in-a-million – literally. "There are 12 million highway accidents annually," says agency spokesman Peter Knudson, "and our teams investigate about a dozen." Monday's church van crash in Glades County is that one-in-a-million case.

[One in a million?? Obviously the NTSB hasn't been reading my blog.]


1 killed, 6 hurt in church van crash near Loris

March 24, 2015 | South Carolina - One person is dead and six others were injured in a crash involving a church van near the intersection of S.C. 9 and Highway 747 near Loris. Highway Patrol says about 4:30 p.m. Tuesday, the church van was heading east on Highway 747, when the driver ran through a stop sign at Highway 9. A pickup truck was heading north on Highway 9 and hit the van. The van flipped over.


Dozens Killed in Multi-Vehicle Crash in Peru

March 23, 2015 | LIMA, Peru (AFP) — At least 37 people were killed when a bus swerved into oncoming traffic in Peru on Monday, leading to a multi-vehicle collision involving two other buses and a freezer truck, the authorities said... Forty-two passengers on the Murga bus were members of a Christian evangelical church, the World Missionary Movement, who were returning from a convention in Lima.


Two Dead, Others Hurt, in Church Van Crash Near Mineral Wells

March 8, 2015 | MINERAL WELLS, TX – Two people died and six others were injured in a Friday evening crash between a car and a church van along State Highway 337 in Palo Pinto County. The head-on crash resulted in a fire. Seven people in were in the church van from Faith Center Assembly of God Church in Graham. They were on their way to an event in Waxahachie.


Pemiscot County crash kills one, injures nine

February 13, 2015 | One person was killed, and nine others were injured in a crash involving a church van in Pemiscot County Wednesday. The crash happened on Route U, approximately five miles west of Caruthersville, at about 7 p.m.


3 Atlanta church members remain in intensive care after rollover crash Tuesday near Fort Pierce

Jan. 14, 2015 | Three members of an Atlanta ministry remained in intensive care Wednesday, a day after a van carrying 19 people flipped over on Florida’s Turnpike near Fort Pierce... The members of Atlanta Restoration Ministries were on a mission trip to South Florida when the wreck happened about 4:30 p.m. Tuesday, according to police... “It flipped, I think, two times and then it landed on the hood and it skid,” Tammy Jones told a TV news outlet.



[Finally, consider the priorities of Mississippi... While southern states try to discriminate against gays using public accommodations to protect the sensibilities of Christians, HB 132 would endanger everyone by allowing anyone to drive a full-sized, 30-passenger bus without a Commercial Drivers License – as long as it's a church bus.]

'Jesus Take the Wheel Act' passes House

February 5, 2015 | Mississippi - House members on Thursday passed a bill exempting mid-sized church buses from the state's commercial driver's license requirements, prompting one lawmaker to call it the "Jesus Take the Wheel Act."

The bill, HB 132, would help congregations lacking a CDL-certified driver transport up to 30 passengers in a church-owned vehicle. Although applying equally to all churches, it's primarily aimed at smaller congregations with fewer members and financial resources. It now heads to the Senate for consideration.

[I'm happy to report this bill died in committee.]




Pic A Day In May - 29


What a difference a day makes. TGIF!




Pic A Day In May - 28


A rainy Thursday.




Thursday, May 28, 2015

Pic A Day In May - 27


That Minnie is such a slut.




Pic A Day In May - 26


My BFF thought I needed a home beer brewing kit for my birthday. Thanks Gilbert!



Pic A Day In May - 25

I've been on a M*A*S*H kick ever since all seasons of the TV show have been added to Netflix. Tonight I finally got around to watching the original movie and was surprised to see my hometown on the famous sign post.

Escanaba, Mich.



Pic A Day In May - 24


Sunday in the park.




Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Pic A Day In May - 12


"Hello, Amazon? I'd like to return a defective book."
Is what I would say if Amazon had a phone number and I called it.


Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Pic A Day In May - 5


The new neighbors are noisy.



Pic A Day In May - 4


In our eighteen years together, this went from incredibly hot
to endearing
to annoying
to the reason I always have to keep the drapes closed.




Sunday, May 3, 2015

Pic A Day In May - 3


Carmelized sugar, ground pistachios, egg yolks and, well, cream.
Pistachio ice cream is Chinese Mom's favorite. Last year I guessed green tea.
I guessed wrong.



Saturday, May 2, 2015

Pic A Day In May - 2


My friend gave me some more Chinese medicinal patches for my sore back.
I wrote about these a few years go in "Bone Musk In The Workplace".



Friday, May 1, 2015

Pic A Day In May - 1

Okay Blobby, I'll play. :^)

If the window sticker is this guy's idea of insurance coverage,
"God bless our way" would feel more comprehensive.




Thursday, April 30, 2015

Cornwinkle

Sure I thought about getting the Apple Watch. But I'm kind of tired of always being the early adopter for these things. This time I think I'll wait for the Apple Watch 3 Air Plus.

So what to do with that $400 burning a hole in my pocket? Sunglasses!

Which is probably ten times more than I've ever spent on a pair of sunglasses. Experience has taught me that the cost of sunglasses is inversely proportional to the number of days I get to enjoy them before leaving them in a corner booth at Chili's.

This explains the tacky white sunglasses I'm always wearing. They were free swag from some bar party sponsored by Corona Light and I wore them without caring they made me look like Belinda Carlisle's stunt double from the Vacation video. Until I see the photos. But I can't throw them without their coming back to me. Because I paid nothing for them and possibly their boomerang shape.

But then a few weeks ago I saw this viral video for glasses which correct colorblindness...



My new Enchroma sunglasses arrived Tuesday and they're fantastic. I don't know if they allow me to see "normally", but I'm definitely seeing colors in a way I never have before. JB is getting tired of my pointing and shouting "PINK!". Especially when he's driving.

It's always difficult trying to explain how my experience of color is different from everyone else's. Almost every time I tell someone I'm colorblind, they run around pointing to things asking "So what color is this?" And they seem disappointed when I guess it right.

My explanation has always been that a 64-pack of Crayolas looks the same as a 24-pack with a bunch of duplicates thrown in. Only the labels on the duplicates have different and often baffling names.

I was that kid the in school... the one who couldn't tell his Cornflower from his Periwinkle.